Ten of my Favorite Sentences

This is a sentence I wrote on December 9, 2009 from an essay entitled “Metaphors”:
“When a computer is brand new, its memory space is empty except for a few major programs, and before I was cluttered, I had a single dedication and fast computing power towards school.” I like this sentence because not only is it long and detailed, it talks about how computers work then goes on to compare my life to how a computer works.

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This is a sentence I wrote on October 14, 2009 from an essay entitled “Privacy”:
“A person who lacks the ability to esteem someone’s privacy is a person who deserves all their confidential secrets to be publicly exhibited.” I like this sentence because it opens the entire essay with a strong exclamation and belief that instantaneously makes the reader want to continue examining the writing.

This is a sentence I wrote on January 19, 2010 from an essay entitled “Loyalty”:
“When it comes to my immediate family, loyalty coincides with respect.” I like this sentence because, unlike my other sentences, this sentence is short, but explains more than some of my longer sentences, and it has the vocabulary word “coincides” that fits with the writing and improves the style.

This is a sentence from an essay I wrote on March 5, 2010 from an essay entitled “Gentleman”:
“Mr. Ewell came so close to killing a little girl, but Boo, being the gallant, young gentleman he is, would not let any harm, any danger, or any peril fall upon a young lady.” I like this sentence because of the adjectives and the anaphora descriptively describing how a true gentleman should act.

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This is a sentence I wrote on December 3, 2009 from an essay entitled “Irony”:
“I wouldn’t even listen to the radio on the way to school, but instead, I would simply watch trees and cars fly by as I daydreamed about still being asleep in bed.” I like this sentence because of the way I use adjectives and imagery to put a picture in the reader’s head of what I do while I ride in cars.

This is a sentence I wrote on April 20, 2010 from an essay entitled “Family”:
“My dad has an unpredictable, unusual, and unorthodox motivation technique, but nonetheless, I praise his methods because they work.” I like this sentence because it uses parallelism, alliteration, a thesaurus word, and a transition, giving the sentence style, but the meaning of the sentence remains clear even with all the added special effects.

This is a sentence I wrote on March 10, 2010 from an essay entitled “Forgiveness”:
“People can be forgiven when they fear threats of harassment, forcing them to make the wrong decision, but when people like Bob Ewell want revenge on innocent men, there is no absolution.” I like this sentence mostly for the power of the second independent clause. After, the introductory clause, only four words simply but elegantly conclude the paragraph, and I like the way the very last word is a thesaurus word, adding extra emphasis to the clause.

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This is a sentence I wrote on May 17, 2010 from an essay entitled “This I Believe”:
“Its notes, its rhythms, and its chords change our perspective, our nations, and our souls.” The reason I like this sentence is because instead of parallelism with two adjectives, it’s parallelism with repetition, making the sentence unique and even more powerful.

This is a sentence I wrote on January 27, 2010 from an essay entitled “Ignorance”:
“Ignorance is one of the most selfish acts, turning people into rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful creatures.” I like this sentence because it starts out the entire essay with a strong statement that grabs the reader’s attention.

This is a sentence I wrote on November 18, 2009 from an essay entitled “Unwanted”:
“However, his parents, being hardcore Christians who hated anything impure, wanted him even less after his performance.” I like this sentence because it has an S-V split participle in it. I normally don’t use that special effect, so I like when I mix up my sentence enhancers because it gives my writing a variety.

Essay #23

FINAL DRAFT

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
5/17/10

This I Believe:
The Power of Music

(TS) Have you ever needed a moment to escape stress, let your mind wander, and become lost in the moment? (CM) Music has the power to relax your body and release your mind into a never-ending universe. (CM) When music enters your life, it can calm you down as the notes fly through your ears, bringing you to a blissful moment. (CS) I believe that music has the power to do almost anything; it can change something as big as a country or as small as my life.

(TS) I believe in the power of music. (SD) Whenever I hear music, no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, no matter what I am thinking (anaphora), I stop and listen. (CM) Music gives my mind the ability to leave my body, bringing me to a universe where notes, bars, and rhythms come together to create harmonious songs (participle). (CM) Hearing music compels (thesaurus) me to take a moment and relax, allowing my mind to ponder the complexity of each chord, each tempo, and each beat. (SD) Also, I believe that music has the power to unite nations and settle disputes. (CM) Estonia, a small country next to Russia (appositive phrase), was once under the tyrannical rule of the Soviet Union. (CM) However, these people were so passionate about their music, even when the government told them to stop, even when their songs angered soldiers occupying their country, even when the Soviet Union shot at innocent civilians (anaphora), they never stopped singing, and because of this, their passionate, singing nation one day earned its peace. (SD) Most of all, I believe music allows people to think outside of the box. (CM) At a typical job, people are told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it because if the job is done any other way, the end result is less than satisfactory. (CM) However, in music, you can mix and match notes, reorganize chord patterns, and change the tempo in the middle of a song, and even though there is a wide variety of style in that song, it can still be enjoyable. (CS) The power of music is extraordinary. Music has changed nations, music brings out creativity, music makes people stop and listen (tricolon), so imagine what the world would be like if everyone believed in music the way I do.

(TS) The impact music makes in our lives is immense. (CM) Without music, life would be dull; without music, people would lose a stress reliever; without music, people would think inside the box. (CM) Music’s power is essential in our lives because its notes, its rhythms, and its chords change our perspective, our nations, and our souls (parallelism). (CS) With the power of music, I believe practically anything can be accomplished, because music is another universe where the laws and restrictions of our world do not apply.

Self Assessment
One issue I am continuing to work on in my writing is making sure my sentences are clear to the reader. Sometimes, I stick to many words in a sentence, making it confusing and difficult to understand. A strong point I see in this writing is the power of the sentences. I think my sentences contain such power and emphasis on my points because of the repetition I use. However, I feel like my strongest point my also be my weakest point because I might have overdone the repetition at some points. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.

Essay #22

SECOND DRAFT FOR GRADING

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
5/6/10

Hidden Beauty;
An Essay on finding Hidden Beauty in a Poem and My Life

(TS) Nothing is universally ugly. (CM) Someone may think a flower has a pungent, distasteful smell, but someone else may think that flower smells as beautiful as scented candle sticks, creating an aroma in the room, filling your nostrils with beautiful odors, and relaxing your mind into a serenity. (CM) Even when an object is normally thought of as ugly, there is someone who sees the good qualities in it, revealing the object’s majesty. (CS) Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem Valentine for Earnest Man is partly about finding beauty in unique places, and in my life, I often use optimism to turn an “ugly” situation into a “beautiful” one.

(TS) Normally, a pair of skunks is not thought of as beautiful, but a man Naomi Shihab Nye wrote about in her poem Valentine for Ernest Man believed that anything can be gorgeous, even if society dictates otherwise. (SD) When the man discovered the skunks, he didn’t do what most people would do: run away to avoid being sprayed. Instead, he looked at nature’s creatures and thought, “They have such beautiful eyes” (Nye, 1). (CM) Ms. Nye implied this man's happiness when he found two lovely creatures, thinking his wife would also appreciate their elegance (thesaurus). (CM) However, his wife treated his sincere gift like he had given her a bouquet of weeds, and she wasn’t able to recognize the adorable creatures' inner-beauty that her husband saw. (SD) This inner-beauty in the skunk influenced him to reinvent them as a gift for his wife. (CM) “He couldn't understand why [his wife] was crying” (Nye, 1) because he had found a deeper meaning of beauty in those skunks that spoke to his heart. (CM) He wanted to share this feeling with his wife, but she was unable to comprehend (thesaurus) their unique glamour, seeing only black rats (purposeful repetition). (CS) this man didn’t think that just because society proclaims something to be ugly it is; he found beauty in unexpected places and was so captivated by two skunks loveliness, that he thought it would be a gift fit for his wife.

(TS) The lines “He reinvented them as valentines and they became beautiful” from Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem Valentine for Ernest Man, describe the perspective I've taken on some of my past experiences. (SD) Whenever there is a thunderstorm and the power goes out, I am usually watching TV or occupying my time with something that uses electricity. (CM) At first, I become exasperated (thesaurus) with the weather because I have to find another activity to entertain me. (CM) However, I quickly change my negative attitude by realizing a perfect opportunity to spend quality time with my cheerful family (purposeful repetition). (SD) Another time I make an “ugly” circumstance have a “beautiful” outcome is when my best friend gets in trouble with his parents and I can’t hang out with him that weekend. (CM) I love spending time with my best friends because-other than my family-they are the people who know how to make me laugh until my sides hurt, how to encourage me to overcome difficult obstacles, and how to comfort me when I feel dejected (thesaurus). (CM) Even though I don’t get to spend time with them, my aspect changes when I recognize that now I have time to spend with one of my regular friends, providing an opportunity to develop a closer bond and create a new best friend. (SD) Vice Versa, when my parents don’t let me hang out with friends, I have to stay at home angry because my parents wouldn’t let me leave. (CM) However, my outlook on the circumstance alters after I realize I have the chance to practice my guitar. (CM) I love my guitar, so when I reinvent the situation, I am thankful that my optimism led me to playing the music I love. (CS) Whenever an irritating situation occurs, I try to look on the bright side and recreate the situation, making the outcome one I can enjoy.

(TS) No matter where you go, no matter where you look, no matter where you search, everything you find will have beauty in hidden places. (CM) At a simple glance, a rock can seem like an incredibly boring, uninteresting, and ugly object. (CM) However, when further examined, a rock’s hidden beauty lies in its variety of elegantly sparkling diamonds. (CS) Valentine for Earnest Man and experiences from my life explain how beauty is everywhere; all you have to do is change your perspective and the ugliness will fade away while the beauty arises.

Self Assessment
One issue I am continuing to work on in my writing is comma-splices. Sometimes I forget that after a comma there needs to be a conjunction or the comma needs to be changed to a semi-colon because there is an independent clause precedes it. The strongest points in this essay are the special effects. I used many special effects in this essay aside from the required ones, and I think they improve the grace and flow of the writing. One possible weak point I notice is my lack of thesaurus words for my first bell word “beauty”. Unexpectedly, I could not find many thesaurus words for beauty that fit into the paragraph, so I tried to space out the bell words but even then it may sound a little repetitive. I would give myself a B on this essay.

Essay #21

Multigenre Essay about Friendship

Dear Reader,
If you have read my other essays, you will notice that this particular essay is unlike most of the others. This is because this essay has four genres, consisting of a question asking poem, a poem where the second and fourth line in each stanza rhyme, a haiku poem, and an expository paragraph similar to the paragraphs in the other essays. I hope you enjoy reading each of the genres in this multigenre essay.

Sincerely,
Austin

When You need Someone there

Have you ever felt down and alone?
Have you ever wanted to crawl in a corner:
Call yourself names and act like your world was falling apart?
Did a friend come and tell you everything would be alright?

Have you ever wanted to give up: just throw in the towel?
Did you tell yourself you didn’t need to be doing this; it was pointless!
Did you come up with excuses, convincing yourself it couldn’t be done?
Was that when your friend encouraged you?

Have you ever had steam coming out of your ears?
So angry that you were driven by rage?
Fiery, infuriated, wrathful emotions overwhelming your thoughts?
Did your friend intervene, pouring ice water on your simmering attitude?

Have you ever been terrified?
So horrified that you began to tremble,
Shaking under the intense pressure of fear?
Is that when you needed someone there?
Is that when you needed your friend there?


In need of a Friend

Romeo was in need of a friend.
He was hurting inside; his attitude was cold.
He’d been declined, dismissed, and distraught,
Because his crush had beauties untold.

Ones that she would not share:
Ones that would go to waste.
Romeo couldn’t have been more depressed;
His love had sworn to be chaste.

Romeo hid in himself,
Hiding his personal emotions from the world,
When what he really needed was a friend:
A companion to help him get over the girl.

Friends always love and care about you.
Their mission is to keep you content.
They try their best to keep you distracted
From those forlorn feelings they try to prevent.

When Romeo didn’t let his friends help,
He only sank deeper into solitude.
Romeo was in need of a friend
To bring peace to his emotional feud.

Friend
Haiku Poem

Keeping you joyful,
What would you do without them:
Your fun-loving friends.

Expository Paragraph

(TS) Without my friends, my life would be overwhelmingly stressful. (SD) My colleagues help me with all kinds of challenges, but one I find incredibly hard to overcome is stress. (CM) Stress works all kinds of negative energy into my body, preventing me from thinking straight, cramping my muscles, and providing me with restless sleep. (CM) However, my friends know how to distract my troubled mind and keep me living in the moment, interrupting me from constantly worrying about the future. (SD) The time I spend with my friends is exceptionally relaxing, and as I’ve grown older, I want to spend more time with my friends because I’ve acquired more distressing problems. (CM) Life can wear me down with homework, with sports, and with occasional family disputes. (CM) Therefore, when I get that moment to hang out with people I thoroughly enjoy, I treasure it. (CS) No matter how uncomfortable my muscles get, no matter how disheveled my mind becomes, no matter how tired I am, my friends always have a way to wake me up and get me living life to its fullest.

Self Assessment
One problem I encountered while writing this essay was determining when a line in a poem was an independent clause or a dependent clause. This problem made it difficult to determine the necessary punctuation, because in my writing, I often use colons and semi-colons, and not using the correct punctuation could lower my grade. The strongest point of this essay is the repetition. I think repetition can make lines in poems stand out and make sentences become powerful. One weak point I notice is that three of my genres are poems, and even though they are different types of poems, there is a chance a reader who likes a wide variety could become bored. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.

Essay #20

SECOND DRAFT FOR GRADING

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
4/20/10

Family;
An Essay on my Family and Its Relations to Romeo and Juliet

(TS) Have you ever imagined what life would be like without families? (CM) Families take care of you, families provide for you, families guide you, and families are a necessity. (CM) No one can survive without a family who treats them as an important individual, so the least people can do is appreciate them in return. (CS) I love each member of my family and have taken the time to learn all there is to know about them, and I have even discovered that one of my siblings relates to Romeo.

(TS) My mother, my father, and my siblings all have traits that I admire, and because I spend so much time with them, their good qualities rub off on me, making me a better person. (SD) My mother is always able to identify when I am depressed before I can even speak, causing her to soothe my troubled mind. (CM) As a teenager, I normally want to be left alone, but my mom insists on knowing why I feel solitary and dejected. (CM) However, later I appreciate her sympathy because her bright, sunshiny attitude brings me out of my dark emotional abyss. (SD) My dad has an unpredictable, unusual, and unorthodox (thesaurus word) motivation technique (alliteration and parallelism), but nonetheless, I praise his methods because they work. (CM) It may be inappropriate to scream obscenities at me during sports events, but oddly enough it gets my blood pumping, my adrenaline rushing, and my legs running. (CM) Of course, he doesn’t mean what he yells because as soon as the game is over, win or lose my dad congratulates me, and I cherish his commendations. (SD) Also, I have always had an admiration for the young adults in my family; they work so hard and strive for their goals, setting themselves as good role models, so when my older siblings spend time with me, I become excited. (CM) They are funny, provide enjoyable company, and help me when I struggle, since they are some of the best people I know. (CM) I especially relish the time we spend together because their personalities begin to rub off on me, so I can become the next generation’s role model. (CS) Being part of my family is wonderful because they provide me with so many lessons and prepare me for future challenges that I can’t help but adore all of them.

(TS) After college, Justin, my older brother, started to enjoy spending time alone, which is similar to Romeo who also spent hours of time by himself in the beginning of Romeo and Juliet. (SD) Justin has never been very social, only hanging out with a select group of people, usually remaining calm and collective, and speaking only when he has a point to make (loose-sentence). (CM) When he isolates (thesaurus) himself, he often becomes an amazing artist, drawing with such detail I usually only see on a professional level. (CM) I don’t know why he is reluctant to share his masterpieces, but I respect his decision because he isn’t sad, isn’t angry, isn’t frustrated; he is just perfectly happy being alone. (SD) There are similarities between Justin and Romeo, but when Romeo wants to be left in solitude, he does so because of emotional distress. (CM) Before he met Juliet, Romeo loved another girl so deeply that when he found out she had sworn to chastity, his heart shutdown. (CM) His mind was in complete turmoil, so to try to bring himself out of his emotional mess, he confined himself in his room to ponder over his feelings. (CS) Because Justin draws, sculpts, and paints when he is reclusive, his alone time is healthy for him, but Romeo’s quarantine only drags him into a deeper, darker pit, worsening his anguish.

(TS) Belonging to a loving, caring, and nurturing family is essential for a young mind to prosper into a mature, wise adult. (CM) A family’s love can encourage people to take on tasks they once thought impossible, or it can comfort a depressed child like Romeo. (CM) The wisdom from a family’s elders can provide kids with the knowledge to make the right decisions, leading to the best future. (CS) Because of all the love and wisdom I obtain from my family, I couldn’t appreciate them more, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if their individual personalities hadn’t become part of mine.

Self Assessment
One issue I am continuing to work on in my writing is the clarity of my sentences. While I proofread my essays for the grading draft, I sometimes stumble over the point I am trying to make in a sentence, and I wouldn’t want the reader to become confused because I wasn’t being clear in my essay. The strong point I see in this particular essay is my widespread vocabulary. I tried to use as many synonyms for the bell word as possible without making the vocabulary seem out of place, and I think I did fairly well with that. I think a possible weak point in my writing is that I didn’t use a lot of transitions at the beginning of my sentences, which maybe made some parts of the essay flow more smoothly than others. I would give myself a B on this essay.

Poem

Apple Trees

The fertilized ground provides for the seed of life,
Incubating the joy of new birth
As the roots take their shape and the trunk erects from the soil
Tiny insects grow anxious
For the fruit that preserves their miniscule civilizations,
And they watch their nutrients start to take shape
The slow progression of growing
For their tender sustenance
The fruits turn ripe, ready to fall from the tree
It begins with the branch
The strong trees arms can no longer support
Its heavy round children,
And the first one falls from the top of the tree
Its high descent merciless as it crunches on the ground
The apple spreads its juices, moistening the dirt,
Filling the holes where worms once burrowed,
And as the fruit provides for small creatures,
It decays and composts into the Earth,
So the process can repeat.

Essay #19

FINAL DRAFT

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
4/8/10

Slipknot
One Band that relates to Romeo and Juliet

(TS) The phrase “Never judge a book by its cover” represents the band Slipknot. (CM) First of all, this band dresses in masks that cause people to assume they were designed by creatures of the pit. (CM) Not only do the musicians in this band dress horrifyingly, their music is hardcore, having heavy instrumentals and rough vocals, preventing some people from appreciating the technique and intricacy of their songs. (CS) If you can put aside appearances and first impressions, you can dig deeper into the band’s songs and discover the deep and complex meanings in their lyrics, sometimes relating to well known literature such as Romeo and Juliet.

(TS) One of my favorite bands called Slipknot has a song titled, "Before I Forget" which has two lines in the chorus that I’ve realized have a deep meaning: “I am a world before I am a man” and “I was a creature before I could stand”. (SD) The first line I found tricky to interpret, but after analyzing the lyrics, I finally deciphered (thesaurus) them. (CM) Corey Taylor, the intense lead singer for Slipknot, (appositive) is describing how he has a duty to protect the world and preserve its health. (CM) His responsibility to help his planet maintain a good condition is more important to him than maintaining his own health, because if he dies, life goes on, but if Mother Earth dies, humanity ceases to exist. (SD) I found the second line was much easier to understand but the meaning was no less intricate. (CM) The song’s lyrics express how in life you must learn how to do a task properly before you can achieve it. (CM) When the singer was a “creature”, he knew nothing, but he slowly learned, slowly gained new knowledge, and slowly prepared for his goals, allowing him to stand ready when it came time to take on his task. (CS) Slipknot may be a hardcore band with heavy instrumentals and intense singing, but their song lyrics do not lack in poetry or complex meaning.

(TS) In the song "Vermillion" by Slipknot, the lead singer talks about his obsessive love for someone similarly to Romeo’s debilitating (thesaurus) love of his dream girl. (SD) Romeo, the handsome but unfortunate young man, (appositive) loves this girl from afar, imagining being in the presence of such beauty. (CM) Unfortunately, Romeo’s feelings are not mutual, causing him to weaken, to shut himself in his room, to find sanctuary in himself. (CM) He has a love for this girl that is so strong it seems like he would make any notion, perform any task, or dare to take on any challenge to obtain her; she is his world. (SD) One of the lines in the song "Vermillion" is “She is home to me”, depicting how the band’s songwriter cannot feel at home without this person. (CM) He has feelings so deep for her that when she is not around to love him, he doesn’t have that safe, secure, and relaxed feeling people acquire when they rest at home. (CM) Romeo feels the same way about his crush, but because she does not have similar feelings for him, he tries to create a safe and secure feeling by closing himself in his room, but ultimately, it only results in making him more depressed. (CS) The song and the play each contain love in the words, but the love scenario isn’t the same, since unlucky Romeo is miserable without someone to return his love.

(TS) When people think of the band Slipknot, they don’t expect such meaningful music from such scary looking people. (CM) Because of the way this band dresses, they scare and intimidate some people who have no idea what they are missing out on. (CM) These musicians take the time to write songs, edit songs, and perfect songs, so when their fans ponder over their lyrics, they realize the messages they send in their music. (CS) Slipknot’s clever and intricate messages sent through their music can be applied to different types of life experiences, different types of stories, and even different types of novels and plays, because this band works hard to complete masterpieces.

Self Assessment
One of the writing skills I continue to work on in my essays is making each sentence as “word weed” free as possible. Unnecessary words can easily confuse the reader, forcing him to reread the sentence, undoing the flow of my essays. I think the strong point for this essay is the in-depth description of the band’s writing style and lyrics. The essay expresses my view clearly so people can understand the way I feel about Slipknot’s songs and the way I interpret their messages. I think one of the weak points of my essays is how often I repeat certain words. I try to space out how often I use a word by finding an adjective for it, but sometimes words have few adjectives, making it nearly impossible not to sound a little repetitive. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.

Essay #18

FINAL DRAFT
Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
3/10/10
Forgiveness;
An essay on the act of pardoning someone’s wrongs

(TS) Before making the decision to forgive someone, you have to take into account the severity of their actions. (CM) Sometimes, the mistake the person has made is minor, or they regret it, showing how that is not their true nature and evil was not the act’s motivation. (CM) However, there are other people who intentionally hurt others to benefit themselves and avoid trouble, making it hard or impossible to forgive such wicked acts. (CS) In my life and in the book To Kill a Mockingbird, I have to make decisions when it is necessary to forgive, how long someone should wait for forgiveness, and even if they should receive forgiveness.

(TS) Even though Mayella Ewell testified against Tom Robinson’s life, she can be forgiven, but her father has no excuses, no reasons to be absolved of his sins. (SD) Mayella’s father beats her and punishes her irrationally because of his alcoholism, creating an image of terror whenever she thinks of him. (CM) Therefore, Bob Ewell, her father, had no problem demanding that she destroy her conscience by pleading innocent Tom Robinson guilty. (CM) She couldn’t stop him either because if she tried, he would punish her unmercifully. (SD) Someone who is in that kind of danger can be forgiven. (CM) People that are in Mayella’s situation can’t help it; they don’t want to be beaten, bruised, and injured so they let people like Tom Robinson take the fall for them. (CM) It’s not the best or most just choice they can make, but it’s a choice that can be redeemed and, over time, forgiven. (SD) However, the person who is threatening; who is willing to physically harm someone to stay out of trouble, who will abuse people to get their way, does not deserve a second chance. (CM) Bob Ewell was so angry when he caught his daughter on top of Tom Robinson; he needed to see that man die; he needed to have him punished; he needed to be cruel and curse his life, and threatening his daughter so she would lie was the way to do it (tricolon). (CM) He didn’t care what others thought or how this would affect other people because he is completely selfish, seeking a revenge that does not deserve compassion when the other man is innocent. (CS) People can be forgiven when they fear threats of harassment, forcing them to make the wrong decision, but when people like Bob Ewell want revenge on innocent men, there is no absolution.

(TS) I have few people in my life that need forgiveness let alone a severe charity. However, my sister has made so many mistakes in her life, but now she is trying to turn her life around. (SD) As any teenager, she was rebellious, and whatever my parents demanded she disagreed with them, denied their request, and opposed their will (tricolon). (CM) This isn’t a rare attitude for teenagers; she was only insubordinate because of the hormonal changes occurring in her teenage years. (CM) These acts can easily be forgiven because in later years, she regrets the acts, having realized they were pointless attacks on her parents emotions. (SD) However, as life went on and the normal rebellious acts of a teenager could no longer be an excuse, my sister Lauren’s decisions started to dig her into a deeper, darker hole of mistakes. (CM) She never grew out of the habit of being rude to her parents; she no longer asked for things like gas money, because instead, she demanded them. (CM) These were not the worst of her choices, and were forgiven after a few of her insincere apologies. (SD) For a while, her disastrous life only got worse, ultimately leading up to the point where she was pregnant without a husband, a situation that is intensely frowned upon in my mothers eyes. (CM) My mother, who had raised her practically all by herself, had felt the utter most feeling of agonizing betrayal. (CM) It was this moment that Lauren realized she needed to turn her life around and become responsible for the new life she was bringing into the world, and because her decisions are starting to change her life for the better, my mother is slowly forgiving her. (CS) Deep down, my mother has, does, and will always love my sister, no matter what mistakes she makes, and, depending on the severity of the situation, my mother will always forgive Lauren, whether it be immediately or over the course of a few years.

(TS) When someone makes a mistake, redemption is the first act they try to achieve because redeeming oneself, can allow others to forgive. (CM) Redeeming a small mistake or wrong action is simple: apologize and sincerely promise to never intentionally do it again. (CM) However, much larger mistakes, such as being dishonest in a major subject, are harder to absolve and will take a much longer time to redeem and earn the forgiveness of others. (CS) Forgiveness can either be easy, hard, or impossible to achieve, and determining when someone can be forgiven depends on the effort put into atoning their actions, because an insincere redemption doesn’t deserve absolution.

Self Assessment
One writing issue I am continuing to work is that I sometimes include too much in my sentences. Because there is so much information in my sentences, the writing does not flow, causing the reader to stubble over certain parts of my essays and become confused. The strongest part of this essay is the feeling and emotion I put into the second paragraph. I really wanted it to feel heartfelt because that is something in my own life that deserves a sincere forgiveness. The weak point I see is that almost all of my sentences are really long, and I find it better to have quite a bit of long sentences but also some short ones and medium length ones. I would give myself a B on this essay.

Essay #17

SECOND DRAFT FOR GRADING

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
3/5/10

Gentleman:
An Essay on Gentleman in To Kill a Mockingbird and my Life

(TS) People do not always realize the importance of gentleman in a society. (CM) Without gentlemen, there would no role models for proper manners. (CM) If no had proper manners like courtesy and respect, society would fall into a turmoil of disregard, inconsideration, and selfishness. (CS) That is the purpose of gentleman, and why they exist in all places like To Kill a Mockingbird and my life.

(TS) In To Kill a Mockingbird, the town called “Maycomb” contains several men and boys who can be referred to as “gentlemen”. (SD) One of them, nicknamed “Little Chuck Little”, has a polite attitude and proper manners. (CM) Even though the atmosphere was filled with Burris Ewell’s rudeness, Little Chuck Little maintained his courtesy towards his teacher by using the term “ma’am” when he said, “Let him go ma’am…He’s a mean one, a hard-down mean one. He’s liable to start somethin’” (Lee, 36). (CM) Not only did this statement show the common courtesies of gentlemen but Little Chuck Little was making sure his teacher remained unharmed, demonstrating proper treatment towards a lady. (SD) Another well-mannered character is the shy, but incredibly brave Boo Radley. (CM) Mr. Ewell came so close to killing a little girl, but Boo, being the gallant, young gentleman he is, would not let any harm, any danger, or any peril (anaphora) fall upon a young lady. (CM) He also displayed his civility when he was “Escorting [Scout] me down the sidewalk, as any gentleman would do” (Lee, 373) because customary gentleman manners consist of being a host or guide for ladies of any age. (SD) If Little Chuck Little and Boo Radley continue behaving as they are, they may one day become as respectful and honorable as Atticus. (CM) Atticus is the best gentleman in To Kill a Mockingbird because he is unbelievably polite and respectful to everybody. (CM) He used to be neighbors with a mean, old, and cranky lady named Mrs. Dubose, and regardless of her verbal assaults towards his children, he greeted her warmly everyday and gave exquisite compliments on her garden whether or not she deserved them. (CS) Maycomb is full of gentleman, and those three examples showed how there is no extent to respect and courtesy in the life of a gentleman.

(TS) There are a few gentleman in my life, and I aspire to be like them by mimicking their actions. (SD) One of these gentleman is my father, who may seem grumpy and irritable on the outside but on the inside, has a sincere and kindhearted spirit. (CM) My dad is constantly going out of his way to make my families life as comfortable and fun as possible; no matter the cost, he loves us so dearly he does his best to accommodate all of our needs and wants. (CM) Not only does my dad treat the family generously, he privileges my mom on nights they go out, doing customary acts like holding the door and pushing her chair in, but he also makes the evening as romantic as possible so my mother enjoys it to the fullest extent a gentleman can offer. (SD) Trevor, my cousin who is another young gentleman I know, is a courteous and friendly fellow, making him a pleasure to have around (Appositive S-V split). (CM) He always dresses in nice, semi-formal outfits, showing how he respects the people he’s with because of his dressing manners. (CM) Not only does he dress well but he is incredibly polite and friendly whenever my family visits; he always warmly welcomes us into his abode, engaging in sincere conversations with each of us. (SD) Trevor and my father inspire me with the good moral and the positive attitude of a gentleman. (CM) When I see how polite they behave and how gracious they are, I notice how much people appreciate having them around. (CM) I don’t like being a bothersome person to have around, and from my dad’s and Trevor’s demonstrations, I know that being a gentleman will prevent that circumstance from taking place. (CS) Gentleman are the foundation of a stable society, polite society, and a happy society, which is why my father and cousin are gentleman, and why hope to be just like them when I grow older.

(TS) Everywhere, gentlemen exist, making our lives better with their respect, courtesy and proper manners. (CM) Without the gentlemen, the characters in To Kill a Mockingbird would all become Bob Ewells: impolite, selfishness, and socially nasty. (CM) Not only would book characters be affected, our own lives would fall into chaos because everyone would be rude to one another, destroying discipline and respect. (CS) Everyone knows a gentleman, and every decent human has a little bit of gentleman in them because deep down, we all know how to be courteous, and in the right time, our true, respectful nature shows.

Self Assessment
The part of this paper that took the most time didn't involve writing; it involved deciding what to write about. In To Kill a Mockingbird and my own life, I notice and encounter so many proper manners because this book is filled with people like Atticus and my family is always making sure I behave well and act accordingly. The most significant difference between this draft and the first draft is the length of the sentences. In my first draft all the sentences were very short and to the point, but in this draft, I made some of the sentences longer and more detailed, hopefully, without adding any unnecessary words. I think the best part of this paper is some of the sentence lengths because the sentences that do not have any unnecessary words contain a lot of detail that makes the sentence sound elegant. I think the part of the paper that could still be improved is the sentence clarity and weeding unnecessary words. Those two matters go hang-in-hand because if there are less words, the reader has less trouble (if any) understanding what each sentence tries to explain. I would give myself a B- on this essay.

Essay #16

SECOND DRAFT FOR GRADING

Forgotten

Dear Reader,
In this essay you will find four different genres of writing: an expository paragraph (following the normal 11 or 8 sentence formula), a haiku, a rhyming poem, and a recipe. Each one describes the theme “forgotten”, but the approach each one takes on the theme varies, for instance, one genre explains how to become forgotten while another one exclaims that no one should ever be forgotten. I hope you enjoy reading this culmination of different writing styles.

Sincerely,
Austin

Three Steps to Become Forgotten

Day dream as often as possible. While you are away in distant places, the people in close proximity will refrain from asking you questions, realizing you have wrapped yourself in a void. This creates distance between you and other people, and, ultimately, the distance becomes so great they forget you are even there.
Never attempt to achieve any of your goals. You must never accomplish anything of significance, therefore, allowing no one to have any reason to be proud of you. Eventually, this results in people not remembering who you were or what you did because having never accomplished anything, you prevented yourself from being known to society.
Do not engage in social activities. When invited to a party or public assembly, decline the invitation because as a forgotten person, you must remain solitary and confined to your own world. Over time, there will be less and less invites, until there are no invites, and by that point you know the community has forgotten you exist.

Haiku

Don’t let them forget
Make them remember your name
Never be normal

Hoping to be Forgotten

He locked himself in his room,
Listening. They would be coming for him soon.
His parents were angry; they knew the wrong he had done;
He had only been playing around; only been having fun.
He wanted them to forget his sin:
Just forget all about it; throw it into the trash bin.
Forgetfulness is wanted sometimes, but sometimes it is not.
This boy hoped and hoped, but his parents never forgot

Expository Paragraph

(TS) Many characters have felt or even feel forgotten in To Kill a Mockingbird whether they wanted to or not. (SD) Boo Radley is one of the few characters in To Kill a Mockingbird that wants to be excluded and forgotten from society. (CM) He is constantly secluded in his father’s home where no one can see him, where no one can hear him, where he hopes he will be forgotten. (CM) Once he left Maycomb’s small and only “gang”, he might have been ashamed of himself, thus he didn’t want society to remember his name, so he trapped himself in his dad’s house. (SD) Dill on the other hand, hates to be forgotten. (CM) When his parents never paid attention to him, he felt like they wouldn’t remember he was even there, and he would just become a lonesome shade. (CM) He had to do something to maintain his sanity, so he found comfort in his friends Jem and Scout; he knew they would always love him and cherish his memory when they went their separate ways. (CS) The theme forgotten plays a big role in To Kill a Mockingbird because just like everyone else, the characters in the novel sometimes need to be reminded that their friends and family love them and won’t ever forget them.

Self Assessment

The genre in this essay that took me the most time to write was the haiku. I find haikus the most powerful of poems because they are short and powerful, but they must be carefully worded and revised or else they lack a lot of potential power. The most significant difference between this draft and the first draft is the detail in my recipe. When I originally wrote my recipe, it contained simple, unexplained steps, but now each step has well-written commentary on it. Because I worked so hard on it, the recipe became the best part of my paper. It contains good vocabulary, and is well-written. The part of this paper that may still need improvement is my often use of pronouns. When I write, I say sometimes say a noun once, then constantly use pronouns afterwards, making my writing sound repetitive and week.

Assessment Essay

Austin

English 8

Mr. Salsich

2/11/10

The Boy and Girls Club

An Overview of my Experiences and Reflections at the Boys and Girls Club

Working at the Boys and Girls Club (BGC) made a drastic impact on my life, and I hope my presence there made an impact on the kids’ lives too. I constantly enjoyed spending time with the kids; they were always cheerful and optimistic. To repay them for such kindness, I tried to be a role model for them so they could have someone closer to their age to look up to. From participating in this service learning project, I have gained a life experience that has changed the way I think of extended day programs and the kids who attend them.

The main reason I chose the BGC worksite was because I wanted to spend time kids. Spending time with kids brings out the young child in me: a character who is fun and playful. I love letting this child out because he is without stress. When I spend time with people my age or older, there is a ton of stress in my life, so it is nice to get away and spend leisure time with kids. The kids at BGC are like most kids their age: silly and amusing: great people to spend time with. They would always humor me when I was having a conversation and they would spontaneously jump on me, laughing hysterically. As if the physical interruption wasn’t enough, they would ask me a question that was so completely random, it brought me to tears of laughter. Not only did I want to spend time with these kids, I wanted to help guide them for the future. When they had trouble with their homework, I wanted to help them understand what they were doing instead of just giving them the answer. I also wanted to be a good role model, so they would grow up behaving well and respecting others. Kids are indeed fun to be around, so when I volunteered for BGC, I was excited to go for my first visit.

During my time at BGC, I faced a few challenges that were difficult to overcome. I wanted to develop an eye-to-eye relationship with the kids, but there were many factors that I had to dwell upon in order to achieve this goal. The reason I wanted this relationship was so the kids didn’t treat me like a counselor who was only there to keep an eye on them. However, I couldn’t just be a silly little kid all the time because then I wouldn’t have any authority at all. Another challenge was the first time I helped a kid with his homework. I sat near a kid during power-hour, which is the time when all the kids sit down and do their homework, and looked at his Math homework and quickly noticed one of his answers wasn’t correct. I didn’t want to be rude but I felt obligated to tell him, and I was surprised at how he didn’t take offense when I told him his answer was wrong, but instead, he was very gracious, so I helped him work it out correctly. My most severe challenge was coping with a kid who lied to me when he said he would save the gum I gave him for later, and then he put it in his mouth seconds after I walked away. At the time, I felt utterly betrayed and sorry for him because I would have to tell a counselor he was breaking a rule by chewing gum. I ended up only warning the kid, but I felt much better I had just warned him when I was shown that these kids were trustworthy because I had the same circumstance with another kid, except he saved the game until he was home. From these experiences, I realized that supervising children creates a lot of difficult challenges, and I only experienced a few.

Instead of trying to help these kids in lot of little ways, I tried to help them in a few big ways. I attempted to establish myself as a good role model for them. Everyday, I would behave politely, greet every single adult and kid I came in contact with, and, unlike the kids, was never out-of-line crazy. I think these methods worked because kids tend to look up to older kids, and if they see older kids behaving well, that is what they will do. Another issue for some of the kids was the difficulty of their homework. When they had a hard time solving problems on their homework, I would intervene with their struggles and try to help them understand as opposed to simply giving them the answer. My methods succeeded because I would help them with a problem, then, let them do the next one and see if they comprehended what I was trying to help them understand.

The simple, but most important thing I helped them with, was just being a friend of theirs. These kids didn’t need another counselor to tell them what to do and what not to do; they needed someone older to talk to and who would listen to what they had to say. Being their friend was advantageous too because when the kids weren’t listening to the counselors, I would ask them to be quiet and listen, and it worked because they listened to their friends. I may have only been a counselor for a week, but I think the kids will remember me because of the differences I made and the academic help I provided.

After researching about extended day programs, I learned how necessary after school programs are in society. There are 15 million children who leave school and arrive at an empty home everyday. If after school programs had never been developed in their community, the kids might have become bored and started bad habits. The aloneness could also cause the kids to become forlorn, feeling detached from society because there’s no one to greet and comfort them when they get back from school. That is why extended day and after school programs were created, and these programs have a positive effect on kids, especially ones ages five through nine. Those young kids spend time being supervised by adults and hanging out with kids their age, improving their social skills but also increasing how well behaved they are. The adults also aid them with their homework, helping them understand how to do it, immensely improving their academic performance. Not only are these programs beneficial for young kids, but they help teens as well. Since teenagers aren’t spending their time alone, they don’t have an opportunity to get into drugs or develop other bad habits. The adults are also a positive influence on the kids because they encourage them to succeed in school, so when they grow up, they will have careers that can support families. At this age, a kid’s mind is being molded, which is why it is important for kids to go to after school programs because they have a positive influence on kids.

In To Kill a Mockingbird, a character named Scout slowly grows up learning and questioning new things, similarly to the kids at my service-learning sight. Scout learned that adults are crazy sometimes, and the kids I worked with would also notice that from time to time. In Scout’s case, she wonders why her third grade teacher hates people who are prejudice towards Jews but doesn’t hate when people are racist to blacks. The kids at BGC think that the counselors are crazy because sometimes they get in trouble for something when they didn’t start it. Like Scout, the kids at BGC have learned a lot about when it is necessary to speak and when it is necessary to hold their tongue. Scout was once going to ask her father Atticus an irrelevant question, but when she realized he was in a frustrated mood, she knew it was best to save it for later. In the same way, kids at BGC sometimes choose not to be a “tattle-tale” when they notice the counselor they were going to talk to is busy or frustrated. As kids grow older, they learn and become more mature, which is what happened to BGC kids and Scout. Earlier in the book Scout acted like a little girl, but as proof she has matured, she acted like nothing happened when she heard of Tom Robinson’s death, and instead, went back to the tea party and acted like a little lady. The older kids at BGC were also mature young adults; they introduced themselves to me and usually understand when it was alright to be silly and when it was time to be serious. Throughout their lives, kids will continue learning and becoming more mature just like Scout was once immature, acquired a better perspective of the world, and became more mature.

Looking back on what I did and accomplished at BGC, I should have been stricter with the kids. The reason I didn’t want to be strict initially was because I didn’t think the kids would want to be friends with me. If I was a kid and someone was telling me to not do something constantly, it would prevent me from liking them. If the kids didn’t like me at all during my visits, I would have had an unpleasant experience. As a matter of fact, not only was I not strict enough, I was almost never stern. That made it hard, for when I was strict with the kids they wouldn’t take me seriously. When I warned them that they were doing something bad and they ignored me, they ended up getting in much worse trouble with a counselor. I conclude that a yin-and-yang balance of strictness would have been most beneficial. This method would have included a system where I would have warned the kids to stop misbehaving, but if they continued, I would inform a counselor. This method would not apply to mistakes that were miniscule like not talking with an indoor voice, so I could still be casual with the kids when they were behaving. Being strict is a key component when supervising kids, but too much austerity, can break the key.

From this service-learning project, I learned three major subjects that I will use throughout the remainder of my life. First of all, I learned that in a children’s environment, there has to be a balance of strictness. If there is too little stringency, the kids run wild because they don’t take your threats or concerns seriously. However, when there is too much sternness, the kids are in constant fear of getting in trouble. The BGC kids also taught me how much potential is in children. There are kids who are incredibly well behaved and social, being polite, respectful, and friendly always. Other kids I conversed with had genius potential; they were little-Einsteins that knew more about technology than I did. Unfortunately, some kids also taught me never to expect too much from someone. At one point, I expected so much from all the kids because every single one I had talked to seemed honest and friendly. Later, after one kid had betrayed my trust, I knew I had come to expect too much from these kids because as soon as one betrayed me, I was downhearted and disappointed. I will bring these lessons with me throughout my life, hopefully, preventing me from making similar mistakes or ever underestimating a kid again.

Memories and experiences happened at my worksite that I will remember for years to come. I learned so much here, and this knowledge I can, and will apply to future events. Not only did I learn from the great experiences here, these experiences show how I had a fun and exciting time here, being welcomed so warmly and befriending the BGC kids. I doubt anything like this will ever happen to me again, which is why I appreciated the opportunity to do something wonderful.

Essay #13

FINAL DRAFT

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
1/27/10

Ignorance:
An Examination of Obliviousness and Rudeness

(TS) Ignorance is one of the most selfish acts, turning people into rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful creatures. (CS) Unfortunately, ignorance can form anywhere, including my life, and it even exists in books like To Kill a Mockingbird.

(TS) The theme ignorance is the most conspicuous theme in Chapter 24 of To Kill a Mockingbird. (SD) The majority of women in Aunt Alexandra’s social gathering are oblivious of their black maids, for they talk about and treat their servants like property. (CM) These women don’t realize that black people have emotions as well as whites. (CM) They sit and converse, lacking the comprehension that humanity exists in black people, seeing them only as property that is bought, used, and one day, dispatched (Loose Sentence). (SD) In particular, Miss Merriweather is the most inconsiderate; she can’t even recognize when a human being is in serious emotional pain. (CM) Since Miss Merriweather didn’t care that Tom Robinson was sentenced to death, she will forever be ignorant of the torment the racist verdict inflicts on black people because she has always been and will always be white, judging others from her own paradigm. (CM) Arrogantly, Miss Merriweather told her maid, “‘You are simply not being a Christian today. Jesus Christ never went around grumbling and complaining’” (Lee, 310), but if Miss Merriweather walked in her maid’s shoes for a minute, she would realize how depressing it is to have a friend sentenced to death and how aggravating it is when someone ignorantly tells you to act more Christian. (CS) Blacks are people too, but the white people in To Kill a Mockingbird have no shred of interest in what they think and remain ignorant, only caring about themselves instead of helping their maids cope with life‘s emotional stress.

(TS) Unlike the characters in To Kill a Mockingbird, I attempt to eliminate all ignorance in my life. (SD) Ignorance is disrespectful, and it can hurt relationships with family and friends. (CM) When someone realizes you are ignoring them, choosing to remain uneducated about their thoughts and feelings, you give the impression you have better subjects to think about. (CM) Sometimes, I notice when people begin to ignore me while I‘m giving an explanation, and I question how good my relationship is with this person, since they think it’s acceptable to daydream during our conversation. (SD) However, I am an ignorant person myself, and I strive to decimate this habit because I am familiar with the uncomfortable feeling of disrespect, hating to be impertinent to people, especially my family. (CM) I, at the hormonal, sassy teenager stage all kids go through no matter how polite they are in younger years, have been given the unfortunate ability to completely block out when my parents are talking (Periodic Sentence). (CM) This capability has proven completely derogatory because in the end, I get in trouble for hurting my parents’ feelings, having utterly disregarded what they said to me. (CS) Obliviousness is purely consequential; it leads to doubtful relationships and hurt feelings from oblivious sons that could be prevented by avoiding ignorance.

(TS) Ignorance is not a crucial part of life nor does ignorance have any beneficial outcomes, meaning it should be completely eliminated from human society. (CS) No matter where someone may be, ignorance will be in their presence, causing problems that could ironically be prevented by being oblivious of ignorance.

Self Assessment

The part of this paper that took the most time was working on my loose and periodic sentences. After reading a couple suggestions, I was convinced these two sentences needed more work, so I spent a while fixing them, adding to them, and rearranging words to make them better. I think the biggest difference between the first draft and this is the smoothness of the sentences. Preparing for this draft, I reread my essay several times and worked on the flow so the reader would have an easy time reading my essay without being confused or disgruntled. In my essay, I particularly like my concluding sentences for my body paragraphs because I feel like I succeeded in wrapping up the paragraphs in stellar sentences. Even though I think the sentences flow pretty well, they may have some words that they don’t need in their that if removed, would tighten the sentence.

Essay #12

FINAL DRAFT

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
1/21/10

Atticus’s Statement after he Returns from the Courthouse:
An Essay on a Quote from To Kill a Mockingbird

(TS) Without the periods of time people use to meditate, life would be chaos. (CM) It is absolutely essential, that there is a moment, brief or extensive, where we can contemplate our thoughts. (CM) These moments are necessary to our well being, for without them, people would never find a way or understand how to resolve circumstances. (CS) A character named Atticus from the novel To Kill a Mockingbird says something simple, yet his statement has a deep meaning of meditation that anyone can relate to.

(TS) In the novel, Atticus’s statement, “I’m not bitter, just tired. I’m going to bed” (Lee, 285) has interesting implications for the entire novel and myself. (SD) First of all, Atticus implied he just needed time to think over what just happened in the courthouse. (CM) This relates to the rest of the characters because sometimes they need a moment or two to mull over what they have going on in their lives. (CM) When their lives are void of opportunities to reflect, they lead to Atticus‘s exhaustion, and interrupted sleep. (SD) In particular, Dill, having witnessed rudeness and cruelty during Tom’s case, needed a moment to think about how people could be so sinister and how he would cope (S-V split). Without that moment, there would have been turmoil in his heart, and he wouldn’t have returned to the courtroom. (CM) Also, that moment may have prevented Dill from becoming traumatized by that experience, but if he had been, he would never go in a courtroom again. (SD) Much like Dill and Atticus, I sometimes need moments to collect and organize my thoughts. (CM) Occasionally, events in my day trouble my mind, leaving me restless. (CM) When that happens, I need to take a break, slow down, and decide how best to solve the matter, calming my mind. (CS) Whenever a troublesome event transpires in fantasy, or reality, there is a simple, brief moment that people require to alleviate the stress the incident inflicted.

(TS) Some of the most crucial moments are when people relax and reflect on their life. (CM) When Atticus lost in court, he knew he needed to take time and collect his thoughts. (CM) If he never organized his thoughts, Atticus might have grown weary with concern that he could have done better on the case even though it was the racist jury’s fault he lost. (CS) Atticus’s simple statement has an incredible powerfulness, representing the fact that small moments we use to contemplate and organize our thoughts, are the most important ones.


Self Assessment

The hardest part of writing this essay was composing the opening and closing paragraphs. I have a hard time determining the best way to draw the reader’s attention, and then making the concluding paragraph turn the essay into a circle so it begins on the same topic and ends on the same topic. The most significant difference between my first draft and this draft I think is the smoothness of the sentences. After I go back and work on the draft that will be graded, I try my best to fix the awkward sentences so that they flow with the rest of the essay. I particularly like my opening sentence because it is a very bold statement that will grab the reader’s attention. I think the part of this paper that could still be improved is the tightness of the sentences. I like to thoroughly explain what I am stating to the reader, but sometimes I get carried on, making my sentence ramble and get a little confusing.

Assessment Journal #6

(TS) In my latest trip to the Boys and Girls Club, sadly, I learned I have to pick which kids are trustworthy and which kids are not. (SD) When I walked in I did what I usually do; I walked, played basketball for a little, and sat down. (CM) However, this visit after I sat down, a kid named Lyrics came over to talk to me and noticed I had gum in my mouth which counselors can chew but kids can not. (CM) He asked me for some gum, and I respected the rules and replied no, but he was persistent and told me he wouldn’t chew it but would save it for after. (SD) This seemed reasonable enough, so I gave him the gum unprepared to be lied to. (CM) less than half a minute later, I see him open the packet and stick the gum in his mouth inconsiderate to the fact I might feel betrayed. (CM) I walked over and reminded him of the promise he made and he simply told me he forgot. (SD) I was angry because it was more than obviously a lie, so I made him spit the gum out, and I sat down at the table next to Carmen, a kid who I befriended during my previous visit. (CM) He noticed earlier I had given gum to Lyrics so he asked me for some gum to hold on to for later. (CM) Even though I had just been lied to, I decided to give him a chance, and I was not let down this time because for the remainder of my visit, I did not see him put the gum in his mouth. (CS) I hope I don’t I have to distrust certain kids and I hope I am not lied to again, but I will give them second chances because Carmen showed me that kids can be trustworthy.

Assessment Journal #5

(TS) During my most recent visit to the Boys and Girls Club, I spent a lot of time talking to kids individually and helping them with their homework. (SD) When I first walked in to the Boys and Girls Club room, I saw the kids playing basketball so I joined them until I saw a kid sitting quietly at one of the tables working on something. (CM) I walked over to see what he was doing and saw he was getting a head start on his homework. (CM) I didn’t ask him why he wasn’t playing because I thought it was a smart idea to get his homework done now as opposed to later, so instead, I asked him if he needed any help. (SD) When he politely said no, I asked for his name and found it was Carmen, so I decided to sit there and keep Carmen company in case he was feeling lonely. (CM) Shortly after sitting down next to him, I looked at his work and did the problems mentally, and I noticed they were wrong. (CM) I tried to be as polite as possible so he wouldn’t be offended when I told him his answers were wrong, and when I told him, he was surprisingly very thankful to know he wouldn’t have mistakes to correct after the teacher graded it. (SD) I helped him resolve the math problems, and he got the right answers this time bringing his homework to a conclusion. (CM) Since Carmen had finished his homework, I struck up a conversation with him. (CM) I found out we have a lot of things in common like the sports we play and we both like video games, making me think that this was a really cool kid. (CS) After this experience at the Boy and Girls Club, I realize that younger kids sometimes share similar interests as teenagers and they can be friends with one another.

Assessment Journal #4

(TS) During my most recent visit to the Boys and Girls Club, I spent a lot of time playing and learning new games. (SD) The first game I participated in is a fairly well known basketball game called knockout. (CM) I already knew all the rules of knockout, so when I joined in the kids and I were playing right away. (CM) Usually I am very competitive and some of the kids were excellent opponents, but I had more than enough fun simply keeping them entertained by having an older kid play with them. (SD) After I finished playing knockout, I sat down for only a moment before John, one of the younger kids who I first met, came over and asked me to play pokemon with him. (CM) I remember being his age and loving the Japanese cartoon shows, but I hadn’t the faintest memory of how to play the card games that were made from them. (CM) I asked him to teach me and I saw how excited he was to accept my request me and play with me an imaginative and amusing game of cards. (SD) The final game I played with the children was a game called jackpot where there was one ball but a whole lot of fun. (CM) The kids explained how there is one person who has the ball, and he calls out different terms that signify if you get points or if he hits you with the ball, you lose a limb. (CM) I had a fairly significant advantage because I was taller than all the kids and could reach for the catch the ball higher than they could reach, but after a while, I thought that the kids should be the ones having the most fun, so instead of catching it, I would bounce it in mid air to different places to give each kid an opportunity to catch it. (CS) Experiencing all these games, some of which I remember playing when I was there age, brought out the six year old kid in me who wanted to have fun and see others have fun playing simple but entertaining games.

Loyalty Essay

FINAL DRAFT

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
1/19/10

Loyalty:
The Key to Maintaining Friendship

The characters in To Kill a Mockingbird all have loyalty for one another, but the loyalty and companionship between Dill and Scout is the greatest. When Scout and Dill first met, Scout didn’t know what to make of Dill. Little did Scout know, a deep and strong bond would form between these two companions, making them loyal to each other as long as their ligature remained. During Mr. Gilmer’s cross examination of Mr. Tom Robinson, Dill was sick to his stomach listening to the verbal assaults Mr. Gilmer launched at Tom. Even though Jem, Scout’s brother, made Scout take Dill out of the courtroom to recover from the atrocities committed by Mr. Gilmer, Scout didn’t verbally retaliate. She is a strong headed young girl, so for her to be easily persuaded to take care of Dill and miss some of the cross-examination says how loyal she is to Dill. She wants to make sure he is content before they go back, and so she offers ideas like, “Come on out under the trees, heat got you, I expect” (Lee, 265) that might help him feel better. Scout and Dill have a fathomless connection of loyalty that will continue to amplify as they mature and their love for one another grows more powerful.

Loyalty greatly impacts my life as it does in To Kill a Mockingbird: with family and friends. When it comes to my immediate family, loyalty coincides with respect. Typically, if my parents ask me to do something, I am loyal and respect their request. It is an essential part of my life to be loyal and respectful to my parents since they are my superiors who provide for me, who take care of me, and who love me unconditionally. Being trustworthy to my parents plays a major role in my life, and being reliable for my friends plays an almost equally vital role. Most of my friends are close to me, and when I’m considerably fickle, my conscience is in ruin because I feel like I’ve betrayed them. The feeling of betrayal is the feeling earned from disloyalty, so when you feel disloyal, your friends will feel betrayed. It’s hard to revive a friendship after infidelity, which is why being loyal to my friends makes my life so much better. Without loyalty in my life, there would be chaos, which makes faithfulness so significant in my relationships with family and friends.

Assessment Journal #3

(TS) This was my third visit to the Boys and Girls Club, and I learned a few new things about the kids and a few things I didn’t know I could do. (SD) I expected this visit to be similar to my other ones, but it turned out there was a lot of unfamiliar territory I hadn’t yet discovered. (CM) As usual, the kids all greeted me yelling, “Hi Mr. Austin!”, so I expected them to act like they had the last few visits: polite and somewhat well behaved. (CM) The older kids met both of these standards, but when I went into the music room to work with the little kids, who are in first grade through third grade, I was shocked at how noisy and spastic they were. (SD) Because of this poor behavior, they had trouble sitting down, staying down, and keeping quiet, making this the moment I learned something new. (CM) At this time, the adult counselors and a couple of my classmates, who are also helping the Boys and Girls Club, were trying to get the children to settle down but were having trouble with this, so I decided to help. (CM) The boys were being the most disruptive and continuing to talk, so when I told them to be quiet a couple times, they listened. It took me a minute but I learned that the other counselors were female so the boys had trouble listening to them, but since I’m a boy too they didn’t mind listening to me. (SD) However, this one boy in particular had become too fond of me to the point that he didn’t take me seriously. (CM) When it’s not time to sit down and pay attention, this boy is amusing and fun to hang out with, but when the counselors want everyone to be quiet he just doesn’t listen. (CM) Surprisingly, I wasn’t mad or frustrated with him, and that is when I learned I had a high tolerance for children in general because I’ve never been aggravated at any of them. (CS) Every time I visit I gain a new experience and learn at least one new thing, so I wonder what there will be in store for me next time.