Essay #23

FINAL DRAFT

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
5/17/10

This I Believe:
The Power of Music

(TS) Have you ever needed a moment to escape stress, let your mind wander, and become lost in the moment? (CM) Music has the power to relax your body and release your mind into a never-ending universe. (CM) When music enters your life, it can calm you down as the notes fly through your ears, bringing you to a blissful moment. (CS) I believe that music has the power to do almost anything; it can change something as big as a country or as small as my life.

(TS) I believe in the power of music. (SD) Whenever I hear music, no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, no matter what I am thinking (anaphora), I stop and listen. (CM) Music gives my mind the ability to leave my body, bringing me to a universe where notes, bars, and rhythms come together to create harmonious songs (participle). (CM) Hearing music compels (thesaurus) me to take a moment and relax, allowing my mind to ponder the complexity of each chord, each tempo, and each beat. (SD) Also, I believe that music has the power to unite nations and settle disputes. (CM) Estonia, a small country next to Russia (appositive phrase), was once under the tyrannical rule of the Soviet Union. (CM) However, these people were so passionate about their music, even when the government told them to stop, even when their songs angered soldiers occupying their country, even when the Soviet Union shot at innocent civilians (anaphora), they never stopped singing, and because of this, their passionate, singing nation one day earned its peace. (SD) Most of all, I believe music allows people to think outside of the box. (CM) At a typical job, people are told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it because if the job is done any other way, the end result is less than satisfactory. (CM) However, in music, you can mix and match notes, reorganize chord patterns, and change the tempo in the middle of a song, and even though there is a wide variety of style in that song, it can still be enjoyable. (CS) The power of music is extraordinary. Music has changed nations, music brings out creativity, music makes people stop and listen (tricolon), so imagine what the world would be like if everyone believed in music the way I do.

(TS) The impact music makes in our lives is immense. (CM) Without music, life would be dull; without music, people would lose a stress reliever; without music, people would think inside the box. (CM) Music’s power is essential in our lives because its notes, its rhythms, and its chords change our perspective, our nations, and our souls (parallelism). (CS) With the power of music, I believe practically anything can be accomplished, because music is another universe where the laws and restrictions of our world do not apply.

Self Assessment
One issue I am continuing to work on in my writing is making sure my sentences are clear to the reader. Sometimes, I stick to many words in a sentence, making it confusing and difficult to understand. A strong point I see in this writing is the power of the sentences. I think my sentences contain such power and emphasis on my points because of the repetition I use. However, I feel like my strongest point my also be my weakest point because I might have overdone the repetition at some points. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.