Wednesday, October 7, 2009

TKAM education essay

FINAL DRAFT
Austin Rosenberg
English 8
Mr. Salsich
October 7, 2009

Education
Enlightening the Unknown

(TS) Education is the most powerful tool used to answer inquiries and explain ideas. (CM) For instance, when seeing a new concept of Math, you will not simply understand how to apply it, but your professor will have to teach how to utilize the method. (CM) As young scholars, there are many questions we ponder, and without education, we will forever ponder the same questions having never been given the opportunity to find the answer. (CS) Humanity needs an education, for it answers our questions and enlightens us beyond what we already know.

(TS) Scout, a young, headstrong tomboy (S-V split), declares to her father Atticus that she no longer wants to continue working on her education at school, and that’s when her father has a discussion with Scout on his opinion of education. (SD) Atticus tells Scout that she has to go to school because he doesn’t want her to be a humiliation to the community like the Ewells are. (CM) The Ewells are a family who lack the proper education to earn a vocation and instead, have to resort to breaking the law to acquire their food. (CM) Since they have to capture their food illegally, they live like animals, and on top of that, their dad is a man who wastes money on liquor. (SD) However, if Atticus keeps Scout in school, he knows education will cause his daughter to turn out as a polar-opposite of the Ewells. (CM) Her education will teach her to be a civilized young woman, who can speak with proper grammar as opposed to the Ewells hillbilly trash talk. (CM) As well as developing good grammar, Scout will develop proper manners enabling her to mature into an adult. (SD) Atticus also doesn’t have a choice of whether or not his daughter goes to school because it’s a requirement in the community that he believes is necessary. (CM) If Atticus didn’t send his child to school, he would actually be thrown in jail for breaking the law. (CM) However, it isn’t just a necessity because it’s a law, but because education is a rite of passage that helps a young scholar to mature into a serious student and later, into a hardworking employee. (CS) Atticus knows that without education, his family would become another disgrace to society like the Ewells, so he is determined to keep his children in school for when they grow up, they work hard and earn an honest living.

(TS) To me, education is a challenging pursuit of knowledge to help better a person and to help steer a scholar onto the path they want to take. Whether it be as magnificent as changing the world, or as noble as helping less fortunate people acquire that which they do not have. (SD) However, before the opportunity to choose what you will make of your life arrives, there is a voyage across a long road of difficult work. (CM) This journey consists of putting in the long hours studying until your brain feels like it’s about to explode with information. (CM) The process of education will keep you awake hours after you expected to go to bed, and you will grow weary from the effort you have taken to strive for the best education you can obtain. (SD) Fortunately, this effort does not go unrewarded. (CM) You will feel the self-satisfaction that you journeyed through a tough process, having accomplished a task that most people couldn’t finish (participle closer). (CM) With education, the world is open for exploration, and you can be whatever you desire because education has taught you how to handle circumstances an uneducated person would find impossible tasks. (SD) Not only will education teach you how to handle situations you deal with in a job, it will let go of the beautiful image you have painted of the world and show just how cruel life is to most people, but sometimes, you can help. (CM) Some people out there are sick and twisted, but you have learned to stay away from places where they lurk, avoiding becoming entwined with their awful acts. (CM) However, in other places, the environment may be a repairable one, providing opportunities to help the people stuck in predicaments. (CS) Just like Atticus, I think education is a necessity to life because without it, I am enclosed in an abyss that contains all I could offer to the world, but without the knowledge to do so, I am stuck working on trivial matters that will not release my full potential.

(TS) How awful would it be asking the same question over and over again without every receiving an answer? (CM) I would find that incredibly irritating, which is why I am appreciative of education. (CM) We take for granted how education provides so much illumination of knowledge to us and gives us an understanding of the world for a bright future. (CS) Instruction is unbelievably significant to obtaining knowledge, and from that knowledge, you can define who you are because education allows the ability to choose what you want to become.

3 comments:

  1. I love your topic sentence and first chunk in your first paragraph.
    Also, the way that you blend Atticus into your second paragraph seems natural
    However, make sure to vary your sentence lengths so they don't become too repetitive

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  2. Austin, I really like your participle
    However, in your 2nd body paragraph's topic sentence, you don't need a comma before or because the second part of the sentence is not a complete sentence.
    Also, Maybe you could make your topic sentence in paragraph 1 a little more interesting. I like your S-V split, but maybe you should get rid of "In To Kill a Mockingbird..." because honestly it won't grab the reader's attention
    Good Luck!

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  3. Austin,
    I really like your CS in your second paragraph. However,although descripitive, you have many long sentences. Try to vary their length to mix it up a little. Also, in the third SD in your second paragraph you need a comma after world.
    Good essay!

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