Essay #21

Multigenre Essay about Friendship

Dear Reader,
If you have read my other essays, you will notice that this particular essay is unlike most of the others. This is because this essay has four genres, consisting of a question asking poem, a poem where the second and fourth line in each stanza rhyme, a haiku poem, and an expository paragraph similar to the paragraphs in the other essays. I hope you enjoy reading each of the genres in this multigenre essay.

Sincerely,
Austin

When You need Someone there

Have you ever felt down and alone?
Have you ever wanted to crawl in a corner:
Call yourself names and act like your world was falling apart?
Did a friend come and tell you everything would be alright?

Have you ever wanted to give up: just throw in the towel?
Did you tell yourself you didn’t need to be doing this; it was pointless!
Did you come up with excuses, convincing yourself it couldn’t be done?
Was that when your friend encouraged you?

Have you ever had steam coming out of your ears?
So angry that you were driven by rage?
Fiery, infuriated, wrathful emotions overwhelming your thoughts?
Did your friend intervene, pouring ice water on your simmering attitude?

Have you ever been terrified?
So horrified that you began to tremble,
Shaking under the intense pressure of fear?
Is that when you needed someone there?
Is that when you needed your friend there?


In need of a Friend

Romeo was in need of a friend.
He was hurting inside; his attitude was cold.
He’d been declined, dismissed, and distraught,
Because his crush had beauties untold.

Ones that she would not share:
Ones that would go to waste.
Romeo couldn’t have been more depressed;
His love had sworn to be chaste.

Romeo hid in himself,
Hiding his personal emotions from the world,
When what he really needed was a friend:
A companion to help him get over the girl.

Friends always love and care about you.
Their mission is to keep you content.
They try their best to keep you distracted
From those forlorn feelings they try to prevent.

When Romeo didn’t let his friends help,
He only sank deeper into solitude.
Romeo was in need of a friend
To bring peace to his emotional feud.

Friend
Haiku Poem

Keeping you joyful,
What would you do without them:
Your fun-loving friends.

Expository Paragraph

(TS) Without my friends, my life would be overwhelmingly stressful. (SD) My colleagues help me with all kinds of challenges, but one I find incredibly hard to overcome is stress. (CM) Stress works all kinds of negative energy into my body, preventing me from thinking straight, cramping my muscles, and providing me with restless sleep. (CM) However, my friends know how to distract my troubled mind and keep me living in the moment, interrupting me from constantly worrying about the future. (SD) The time I spend with my friends is exceptionally relaxing, and as I’ve grown older, I want to spend more time with my friends because I’ve acquired more distressing problems. (CM) Life can wear me down with homework, with sports, and with occasional family disputes. (CM) Therefore, when I get that moment to hang out with people I thoroughly enjoy, I treasure it. (CS) No matter how uncomfortable my muscles get, no matter how disheveled my mind becomes, no matter how tired I am, my friends always have a way to wake me up and get me living life to its fullest.

Self Assessment
One problem I encountered while writing this essay was determining when a line in a poem was an independent clause or a dependent clause. This problem made it difficult to determine the necessary punctuation, because in my writing, I often use colons and semi-colons, and not using the correct punctuation could lower my grade. The strongest point of this essay is the repetition. I think repetition can make lines in poems stand out and make sentences become powerful. One weak point I notice is that three of my genres are poems, and even though they are different types of poems, there is a chance a reader who likes a wide variety could become bored. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.

Essay #20

SECOND DRAFT FOR GRADING

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
4/20/10

Family;
An Essay on my Family and Its Relations to Romeo and Juliet

(TS) Have you ever imagined what life would be like without families? (CM) Families take care of you, families provide for you, families guide you, and families are a necessity. (CM) No one can survive without a family who treats them as an important individual, so the least people can do is appreciate them in return. (CS) I love each member of my family and have taken the time to learn all there is to know about them, and I have even discovered that one of my siblings relates to Romeo.

(TS) My mother, my father, and my siblings all have traits that I admire, and because I spend so much time with them, their good qualities rub off on me, making me a better person. (SD) My mother is always able to identify when I am depressed before I can even speak, causing her to soothe my troubled mind. (CM) As a teenager, I normally want to be left alone, but my mom insists on knowing why I feel solitary and dejected. (CM) However, later I appreciate her sympathy because her bright, sunshiny attitude brings me out of my dark emotional abyss. (SD) My dad has an unpredictable, unusual, and unorthodox (thesaurus word) motivation technique (alliteration and parallelism), but nonetheless, I praise his methods because they work. (CM) It may be inappropriate to scream obscenities at me during sports events, but oddly enough it gets my blood pumping, my adrenaline rushing, and my legs running. (CM) Of course, he doesn’t mean what he yells because as soon as the game is over, win or lose my dad congratulates me, and I cherish his commendations. (SD) Also, I have always had an admiration for the young adults in my family; they work so hard and strive for their goals, setting themselves as good role models, so when my older siblings spend time with me, I become excited. (CM) They are funny, provide enjoyable company, and help me when I struggle, since they are some of the best people I know. (CM) I especially relish the time we spend together because their personalities begin to rub off on me, so I can become the next generation’s role model. (CS) Being part of my family is wonderful because they provide me with so many lessons and prepare me for future challenges that I can’t help but adore all of them.

(TS) After college, Justin, my older brother, started to enjoy spending time alone, which is similar to Romeo who also spent hours of time by himself in the beginning of Romeo and Juliet. (SD) Justin has never been very social, only hanging out with a select group of people, usually remaining calm and collective, and speaking only when he has a point to make (loose-sentence). (CM) When he isolates (thesaurus) himself, he often becomes an amazing artist, drawing with such detail I usually only see on a professional level. (CM) I don’t know why he is reluctant to share his masterpieces, but I respect his decision because he isn’t sad, isn’t angry, isn’t frustrated; he is just perfectly happy being alone. (SD) There are similarities between Justin and Romeo, but when Romeo wants to be left in solitude, he does so because of emotional distress. (CM) Before he met Juliet, Romeo loved another girl so deeply that when he found out she had sworn to chastity, his heart shutdown. (CM) His mind was in complete turmoil, so to try to bring himself out of his emotional mess, he confined himself in his room to ponder over his feelings. (CS) Because Justin draws, sculpts, and paints when he is reclusive, his alone time is healthy for him, but Romeo’s quarantine only drags him into a deeper, darker pit, worsening his anguish.

(TS) Belonging to a loving, caring, and nurturing family is essential for a young mind to prosper into a mature, wise adult. (CM) A family’s love can encourage people to take on tasks they once thought impossible, or it can comfort a depressed child like Romeo. (CM) The wisdom from a family’s elders can provide kids with the knowledge to make the right decisions, leading to the best future. (CS) Because of all the love and wisdom I obtain from my family, I couldn’t appreciate them more, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if their individual personalities hadn’t become part of mine.

Self Assessment
One issue I am continuing to work on in my writing is the clarity of my sentences. While I proofread my essays for the grading draft, I sometimes stumble over the point I am trying to make in a sentence, and I wouldn’t want the reader to become confused because I wasn’t being clear in my essay. The strong point I see in this particular essay is my widespread vocabulary. I tried to use as many synonyms for the bell word as possible without making the vocabulary seem out of place, and I think I did fairly well with that. I think a possible weak point in my writing is that I didn’t use a lot of transitions at the beginning of my sentences, which maybe made some parts of the essay flow more smoothly than others. I would give myself a B on this essay.

Poem

Apple Trees

The fertilized ground provides for the seed of life,
Incubating the joy of new birth
As the roots take their shape and the trunk erects from the soil
Tiny insects grow anxious
For the fruit that preserves their miniscule civilizations,
And they watch their nutrients start to take shape
The slow progression of growing
For their tender sustenance
The fruits turn ripe, ready to fall from the tree
It begins with the branch
The strong trees arms can no longer support
Its heavy round children,
And the first one falls from the top of the tree
Its high descent merciless as it crunches on the ground
The apple spreads its juices, moistening the dirt,
Filling the holes where worms once burrowed,
And as the fruit provides for small creatures,
It decays and composts into the Earth,
So the process can repeat.

Essay #19

FINAL DRAFT

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
4/8/10

Slipknot
One Band that relates to Romeo and Juliet

(TS) The phrase “Never judge a book by its cover” represents the band Slipknot. (CM) First of all, this band dresses in masks that cause people to assume they were designed by creatures of the pit. (CM) Not only do the musicians in this band dress horrifyingly, their music is hardcore, having heavy instrumentals and rough vocals, preventing some people from appreciating the technique and intricacy of their songs. (CS) If you can put aside appearances and first impressions, you can dig deeper into the band’s songs and discover the deep and complex meanings in their lyrics, sometimes relating to well known literature such as Romeo and Juliet.

(TS) One of my favorite bands called Slipknot has a song titled, "Before I Forget" which has two lines in the chorus that I’ve realized have a deep meaning: “I am a world before I am a man” and “I was a creature before I could stand”. (SD) The first line I found tricky to interpret, but after analyzing the lyrics, I finally deciphered (thesaurus) them. (CM) Corey Taylor, the intense lead singer for Slipknot, (appositive) is describing how he has a duty to protect the world and preserve its health. (CM) His responsibility to help his planet maintain a good condition is more important to him than maintaining his own health, because if he dies, life goes on, but if Mother Earth dies, humanity ceases to exist. (SD) I found the second line was much easier to understand but the meaning was no less intricate. (CM) The song’s lyrics express how in life you must learn how to do a task properly before you can achieve it. (CM) When the singer was a “creature”, he knew nothing, but he slowly learned, slowly gained new knowledge, and slowly prepared for his goals, allowing him to stand ready when it came time to take on his task. (CS) Slipknot may be a hardcore band with heavy instrumentals and intense singing, but their song lyrics do not lack in poetry or complex meaning.

(TS) In the song "Vermillion" by Slipknot, the lead singer talks about his obsessive love for someone similarly to Romeo’s debilitating (thesaurus) love of his dream girl. (SD) Romeo, the handsome but unfortunate young man, (appositive) loves this girl from afar, imagining being in the presence of such beauty. (CM) Unfortunately, Romeo’s feelings are not mutual, causing him to weaken, to shut himself in his room, to find sanctuary in himself. (CM) He has a love for this girl that is so strong it seems like he would make any notion, perform any task, or dare to take on any challenge to obtain her; she is his world. (SD) One of the lines in the song "Vermillion" is “She is home to me”, depicting how the band’s songwriter cannot feel at home without this person. (CM) He has feelings so deep for her that when she is not around to love him, he doesn’t have that safe, secure, and relaxed feeling people acquire when they rest at home. (CM) Romeo feels the same way about his crush, but because she does not have similar feelings for him, he tries to create a safe and secure feeling by closing himself in his room, but ultimately, it only results in making him more depressed. (CS) The song and the play each contain love in the words, but the love scenario isn’t the same, since unlucky Romeo is miserable without someone to return his love.

(TS) When people think of the band Slipknot, they don’t expect such meaningful music from such scary looking people. (CM) Because of the way this band dresses, they scare and intimidate some people who have no idea what they are missing out on. (CM) These musicians take the time to write songs, edit songs, and perfect songs, so when their fans ponder over their lyrics, they realize the messages they send in their music. (CS) Slipknot’s clever and intricate messages sent through their music can be applied to different types of life experiences, different types of stories, and even different types of novels and plays, because this band works hard to complete masterpieces.

Self Assessment
One of the writing skills I continue to work on in my essays is making each sentence as “word weed” free as possible. Unnecessary words can easily confuse the reader, forcing him to reread the sentence, undoing the flow of my essays. I think the strong point for this essay is the in-depth description of the band’s writing style and lyrics. The essay expresses my view clearly so people can understand the way I feel about Slipknot’s songs and the way I interpret their messages. I think one of the weak points of my essays is how often I repeat certain words. I try to space out how often I use a word by finding an adjective for it, but sometimes words have few adjectives, making it nearly impossible not to sound a little repetitive. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.