Essay #18

FINAL DRAFT
Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
3/10/10
Forgiveness;
An essay on the act of pardoning someone’s wrongs

(TS) Before making the decision to forgive someone, you have to take into account the severity of their actions. (CM) Sometimes, the mistake the person has made is minor, or they regret it, showing how that is not their true nature and evil was not the act’s motivation. (CM) However, there are other people who intentionally hurt others to benefit themselves and avoid trouble, making it hard or impossible to forgive such wicked acts. (CS) In my life and in the book To Kill a Mockingbird, I have to make decisions when it is necessary to forgive, how long someone should wait for forgiveness, and even if they should receive forgiveness.

(TS) Even though Mayella Ewell testified against Tom Robinson’s life, she can be forgiven, but her father has no excuses, no reasons to be absolved of his sins. (SD) Mayella’s father beats her and punishes her irrationally because of his alcoholism, creating an image of terror whenever she thinks of him. (CM) Therefore, Bob Ewell, her father, had no problem demanding that she destroy her conscience by pleading innocent Tom Robinson guilty. (CM) She couldn’t stop him either because if she tried, he would punish her unmercifully. (SD) Someone who is in that kind of danger can be forgiven. (CM) People that are in Mayella’s situation can’t help it; they don’t want to be beaten, bruised, and injured so they let people like Tom Robinson take the fall for them. (CM) It’s not the best or most just choice they can make, but it’s a choice that can be redeemed and, over time, forgiven. (SD) However, the person who is threatening; who is willing to physically harm someone to stay out of trouble, who will abuse people to get their way, does not deserve a second chance. (CM) Bob Ewell was so angry when he caught his daughter on top of Tom Robinson; he needed to see that man die; he needed to have him punished; he needed to be cruel and curse his life, and threatening his daughter so she would lie was the way to do it (tricolon). (CM) He didn’t care what others thought or how this would affect other people because he is completely selfish, seeking a revenge that does not deserve compassion when the other man is innocent. (CS) People can be forgiven when they fear threats of harassment, forcing them to make the wrong decision, but when people like Bob Ewell want revenge on innocent men, there is no absolution.

(TS) I have few people in my life that need forgiveness let alone a severe charity. However, my sister has made so many mistakes in her life, but now she is trying to turn her life around. (SD) As any teenager, she was rebellious, and whatever my parents demanded she disagreed with them, denied their request, and opposed their will (tricolon). (CM) This isn’t a rare attitude for teenagers; she was only insubordinate because of the hormonal changes occurring in her teenage years. (CM) These acts can easily be forgiven because in later years, she regrets the acts, having realized they were pointless attacks on her parents emotions. (SD) However, as life went on and the normal rebellious acts of a teenager could no longer be an excuse, my sister Lauren’s decisions started to dig her into a deeper, darker hole of mistakes. (CM) She never grew out of the habit of being rude to her parents; she no longer asked for things like gas money, because instead, she demanded them. (CM) These were not the worst of her choices, and were forgiven after a few of her insincere apologies. (SD) For a while, her disastrous life only got worse, ultimately leading up to the point where she was pregnant without a husband, a situation that is intensely frowned upon in my mothers eyes. (CM) My mother, who had raised her practically all by herself, had felt the utter most feeling of agonizing betrayal. (CM) It was this moment that Lauren realized she needed to turn her life around and become responsible for the new life she was bringing into the world, and because her decisions are starting to change her life for the better, my mother is slowly forgiving her. (CS) Deep down, my mother has, does, and will always love my sister, no matter what mistakes she makes, and, depending on the severity of the situation, my mother will always forgive Lauren, whether it be immediately or over the course of a few years.

(TS) When someone makes a mistake, redemption is the first act they try to achieve because redeeming oneself, can allow others to forgive. (CM) Redeeming a small mistake or wrong action is simple: apologize and sincerely promise to never intentionally do it again. (CM) However, much larger mistakes, such as being dishonest in a major subject, are harder to absolve and will take a much longer time to redeem and earn the forgiveness of others. (CS) Forgiveness can either be easy, hard, or impossible to achieve, and determining when someone can be forgiven depends on the effort put into atoning their actions, because an insincere redemption doesn’t deserve absolution.

Self Assessment
One writing issue I am continuing to work is that I sometimes include too much in my sentences. Because there is so much information in my sentences, the writing does not flow, causing the reader to stubble over certain parts of my essays and become confused. The strongest part of this essay is the feeling and emotion I put into the second paragraph. I really wanted it to feel heartfelt because that is something in my own life that deserves a sincere forgiveness. The weak point I see is that almost all of my sentences are really long, and I find it better to have quite a bit of long sentences but also some short ones and medium length ones. I would give myself a B on this essay.

Essay #17

SECOND DRAFT FOR GRADING

Austin
English 8
Mr. Salsich
3/5/10

Gentleman:
An Essay on Gentleman in To Kill a Mockingbird and my Life

(TS) People do not always realize the importance of gentleman in a society. (CM) Without gentlemen, there would no role models for proper manners. (CM) If no had proper manners like courtesy and respect, society would fall into a turmoil of disregard, inconsideration, and selfishness. (CS) That is the purpose of gentleman, and why they exist in all places like To Kill a Mockingbird and my life.

(TS) In To Kill a Mockingbird, the town called “Maycomb” contains several men and boys who can be referred to as “gentlemen”. (SD) One of them, nicknamed “Little Chuck Little”, has a polite attitude and proper manners. (CM) Even though the atmosphere was filled with Burris Ewell’s rudeness, Little Chuck Little maintained his courtesy towards his teacher by using the term “ma’am” when he said, “Let him go ma’am…He’s a mean one, a hard-down mean one. He’s liable to start somethin’” (Lee, 36). (CM) Not only did this statement show the common courtesies of gentlemen but Little Chuck Little was making sure his teacher remained unharmed, demonstrating proper treatment towards a lady. (SD) Another well-mannered character is the shy, but incredibly brave Boo Radley. (CM) Mr. Ewell came so close to killing a little girl, but Boo, being the gallant, young gentleman he is, would not let any harm, any danger, or any peril (anaphora) fall upon a young lady. (CM) He also displayed his civility when he was “Escorting [Scout] me down the sidewalk, as any gentleman would do” (Lee, 373) because customary gentleman manners consist of being a host or guide for ladies of any age. (SD) If Little Chuck Little and Boo Radley continue behaving as they are, they may one day become as respectful and honorable as Atticus. (CM) Atticus is the best gentleman in To Kill a Mockingbird because he is unbelievably polite and respectful to everybody. (CM) He used to be neighbors with a mean, old, and cranky lady named Mrs. Dubose, and regardless of her verbal assaults towards his children, he greeted her warmly everyday and gave exquisite compliments on her garden whether or not she deserved them. (CS) Maycomb is full of gentleman, and those three examples showed how there is no extent to respect and courtesy in the life of a gentleman.

(TS) There are a few gentleman in my life, and I aspire to be like them by mimicking their actions. (SD) One of these gentleman is my father, who may seem grumpy and irritable on the outside but on the inside, has a sincere and kindhearted spirit. (CM) My dad is constantly going out of his way to make my families life as comfortable and fun as possible; no matter the cost, he loves us so dearly he does his best to accommodate all of our needs and wants. (CM) Not only does my dad treat the family generously, he privileges my mom on nights they go out, doing customary acts like holding the door and pushing her chair in, but he also makes the evening as romantic as possible so my mother enjoys it to the fullest extent a gentleman can offer. (SD) Trevor, my cousin who is another young gentleman I know, is a courteous and friendly fellow, making him a pleasure to have around (Appositive S-V split). (CM) He always dresses in nice, semi-formal outfits, showing how he respects the people he’s with because of his dressing manners. (CM) Not only does he dress well but he is incredibly polite and friendly whenever my family visits; he always warmly welcomes us into his abode, engaging in sincere conversations with each of us. (SD) Trevor and my father inspire me with the good moral and the positive attitude of a gentleman. (CM) When I see how polite they behave and how gracious they are, I notice how much people appreciate having them around. (CM) I don’t like being a bothersome person to have around, and from my dad’s and Trevor’s demonstrations, I know that being a gentleman will prevent that circumstance from taking place. (CS) Gentleman are the foundation of a stable society, polite society, and a happy society, which is why my father and cousin are gentleman, and why hope to be just like them when I grow older.

(TS) Everywhere, gentlemen exist, making our lives better with their respect, courtesy and proper manners. (CM) Without the gentlemen, the characters in To Kill a Mockingbird would all become Bob Ewells: impolite, selfishness, and socially nasty. (CM) Not only would book characters be affected, our own lives would fall into chaos because everyone would be rude to one another, destroying discipline and respect. (CS) Everyone knows a gentleman, and every decent human has a little bit of gentleman in them because deep down, we all know how to be courteous, and in the right time, our true, respectful nature shows.

Self Assessment
The part of this paper that took the most time didn't involve writing; it involved deciding what to write about. In To Kill a Mockingbird and my own life, I notice and encounter so many proper manners because this book is filled with people like Atticus and my family is always making sure I behave well and act accordingly. The most significant difference between this draft and the first draft is the length of the sentences. In my first draft all the sentences were very short and to the point, but in this draft, I made some of the sentences longer and more detailed, hopefully, without adding any unnecessary words. I think the best part of this paper is some of the sentence lengths because the sentences that do not have any unnecessary words contain a lot of detail that makes the sentence sound elegant. I think the part of the paper that could still be improved is the sentence clarity and weeding unnecessary words. Those two matters go hang-in-hand because if there are less words, the reader has less trouble (if any) understanding what each sentence tries to explain. I would give myself a B- on this essay.